I feel like a lot of us (especially woman), are never happy with ourselves right now. Then we look back on a certain time in our life maybe while looking at an old photo or video and think “How did I think I was fat back then?” Or “And I hated my long, flowing, beautiful hair back then because?!?!”
I think we all wish we could be happy with the now and not the past but it’s definitely way easier said than done. This is why I am taking the time to say thank you to those people who accepted me in the now, even when I only thought I was good enough in the past. Some things may seem silly to others while others may be more relatable. Either way, these things made an impact on me. Enough impact that I still remember them and want people to know I appreciated them.
To the teachers that voted my piece of artwork to be one of only 3 chosen from our grade to hang on the walls of the middle school, thank you. (I wonder if it’s still there or if it got pitched?!)
To every coach I had, whether I liked you or not, (Don’t worry Dad, I liked you. Except when you made me do bleachers) that pushed me, thank you.
To my high school friend for being the ONLY guy to ever ask me to a dance, thank you.
To my brothers friend that I obsessed over my whole childhood who was always so nice to me, thank you.
To Dennis Caspary for believing in me and choosing me to be one of 5 girls to start the opening number at nationals my senior year (one of the few times I got to partner and man did it feel amazing!), thank you.
To Marty for making it a point to come up to me after the opening number and tell me how proud he was of me, thank you.
To my brothers friends for letting me be the little sister who came to all of their parties, thank you.
To my brothers friends, again, for taking care of me at said parties when my brother wasn’t there to do so, thank you.
To the NJ/NY road trip crew for the best and worst road trip of all time, thank you. (I wonder when the bird buckle will be back in style?!)
To all of the family I lived with in my NY/CT journeys, thank you.
To the Chameleon crew for taking a newbie from the Midwest under your wing, thank you.
To Martha for not being a creepy Craiglist person and dealing with me for the time I lived with you, thank you.
To Jake for letting some random girl that your roommate just met 5 months prior, move in with you guys, thank you.
To Mike’s CT friends for treating me like I was a part of the crew from the get-go, thank you.
To the enormous amount of people that came to our going away party in CT, thank you.
To my Groom girls for taking in a stylist who thought she knew how to cut men’s hair but didn’t really know how to cut men’s hair, thank you. (I really just wanted to work with Pjoe anyways…)
To Theri and Erica for taking care of me even to this day although I’m not technically employed with you, thank you.
To my fellow SAHM’s, Katie, Missy and Kim for all of the reassuring texts about motherhood, thank you.
To my endless amount of aunts, uncles and cousins for being the greatest group of people (both Miller and Walters sides) a girl could ask for, thank you.
To the Gardner family for welcoming me into the family with open arms and eating a salad to humor me every once in a while, thank you.
Of course, to Michael who loves me unconditionally and gave me the most perfect boys in the world. To the husband who tells his wife every single day how beautiful she is. To the one who sees me for me even when I don’t. To the guy who is there for me at the drop of a hat. To the only person who can irritate me one day and then have me laughing the next. To the one who understands me more than I do. To the guy I fell in love with at first sight almost 9 years ago, thank you.
There is a very different reason for thanking each and every one of the people I thanked. There is one thing they all have in common. They all accepted me for who I was in that moment. They did something I wasn’t even doing for myself. I never accepted myself in the now. It was always something I had looked back on and then accepted myself for who I was.
Of course there are people missing from this list of thank you’s. Some of the most important people in my life. I’m not saying that everyone listed above didn’t play an important role in shaping me into who I am today. I am saying that these people have been there for me through every single one of these ‘thank you’ moments. Through every moment that I didn’t think I was good enough.
To my bridesmaids:
Each of you have played such a big role in my life. I knew from a young age that the 6 of you would be my bridesmaids, even if I became a crazy cat lady and had a fake wedding with a gay guy so, thank you.
From helping me with homework (Thanks Jess, I owe you. No wait, you owe me from that $10 tip…) to inviting me to your sleepovers with your school friends (Thanks Erin! It made me feel cool since you were popular in school and I wasn’t…).
Then there were the many times I forced my poor little cousin to be my dance student and make up dances with me (Sorry April! You were the little sister I never had. Jeffrey wouldn’t do it so someone had to!). Speaking of making up dances, I remember one specific one we did to Mariah Carey in the stairwell at your parents house Dana and Erin! (Don’t worry Erin, the video of the other dances are safely tucked away!) Stefanie and Colleen, I couldn’t even begin to pick a favorite memory. TT4L. Ok, that covers most of them!
There are so many amazing memories I have with each of you. You all accepted me even when I was a pain in the behind. And just like looking back and seeing the good, I also look back and see things that I maybe didn’t think were so bad back then. So to all 6 of you, sorry for the annoying and/or thoughtless things I may have said or done to you in the past!
To my Grandparents:
I was lucky enough to grow up with and remember 3 of my grandparents but all 4 of them were more than amazing. Grampa Walters was at as many sporting events as he could be at even with a million grandchildren! Living with Gramma and Grampa Miller is probably one of my favorite childhood memories. My brother and I were so lucky to have them right through a door at all times. The memories I have with them are something I will cherish forever. To still have my Gramma around makes me the happiest person! Not many people can say their Gramma gets down to Lil’ John! So, thank you to each of you!
To my brother:
How can I put into words how amazing this guy is?? You didn’t push me away when I was a freshman and you were a senior. Instead, you included me and took care of me. You drove me home mid-party while I was balling my eyes out because I was so uncomfortable. (This is when I learned college party life probably wasn’t for me). You also bought me my first drink and took care of me that night when I couldn’t hold my head up in the car. You gave me the most amazing sister-in-law I could have imagined and you asked me to bring UHF home so we can watch it together! For all of this and so much more, thank you.
To my Mom and Dad:
I don’t need to say much besides the fact that I’m not sure how you didn’t “accidentally” leave me in Canada on one of our family vacations. The things I put your through, and continue to put you through at 32 years old, are definitely the reason for your grey hairs. (Oh wait, you don’t have any grey hairs…) You always accepted me and loved me no matter what decisions I made I life. I didn’t make life easy for you but you always made life easy for me. You are the perfect role models for me and my boys so, thank you.
After writing this, I realize that I feel like I’ve been so many different people over the years…
The bratty, whiney child. The girl that dances her life away. The girl that doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life so she goes to hairdressing school. The innocent Midwest girl on the east coast who decides to make up for all of the drinking she didn’t do in the previous years. The girl who met a guy and moved back to the Midwest to marry him. The girl that nobody has seen drunk. The girl with an amazing husband and 2 perfect boys.
No matter what girl I was when I met you, I will always be me. Saree. Sasha. Sister Sarah. Sarahbear. Surr. Saaaaarah. Sarahahaha. Or just Sarah.
I will promise to try to love the ‘now me’ and not wait to love the ‘past me’. I hope you do too❤️
The Excertasking Mama 